i've known for sometime that, at the very least, i have a border-line
addictive personality. this is almost ridiculous. wonder if there's a 12 step program for CSS addictions.
the few readers i have may have noticed that my recent posts have been somewhat lacking in content. the reason for this is simple. i've been busy designing blog templates for friends
of mine. i've even gone so far as to set up a blog
specifically for this purpose. while they are no where nearly as complex as heather's
, the people i have designed them for have been pleased with the results even if i wasn't quite as happy as i would have been if allowed complete control. to each his own i suppose.
some might argue that the television is one of the greatest inventions of all time. personally, i hate it. that's right, i said it. i hate the television. it's a colossal waste of time. call the men in white coats if you feel you must.
doesn't that just beat all
i spent all that time changing the look of my blog and now i'm at a loss for things to write. surely i didn't use up all my creative energy swapping out a few codes...there's no way that could be it. i've got to start drinking coffee again.
and it gets weirder
one of the lovely patrons of the fish dug this
up on the plagiarist. how bizarre.
the fish has been robbed
there is a plagiarist among us
. she shall be shunned...and, if it was still legal, stoned.
burning crosses instead of bridges
from the news tonight:
old guy: "i support the KKK"
reporter: "why's that?"
old guy: "i believe blacks should be kept in their place."
wtf is that??? in their place??? i hope i'm not the only one that finds that disturbing.
*this wasn't an old clip.
it's finished and frankly, i think it's bad ass.. everything's the proper color. nothing changes when you switch pages. the borders still don't appear around the post but that's not a big deal. oh happy day :)
the lastest arrival to our family...my cousins baby boy.
i spent many afternoons at this church.
yep...i'm in arkanasas
the verdict's in
seems it's not just my browser. guess i'll have to work on that. it's a shame really because the preview is quite nice.
as a matter of fact i did read my last post. what's the deal??? well it's still under construction. don't worry this hideous look will be short lived. i promise the out come will be worth the trauma your eyes are enduring now (assuming i don't get this finished before anyone other than my favorite techie sees it).
consider yourself lucky. i managed to dispose of most of the hideousness that was present earlier. it's still not quite where i would like it to be but the colors aren't playing nice. if only i were colorblind....
update part deux:
well isn't that a fine how do you do. somewhere between the preview and actually viewing my blog some things vanished. (yes, i did save the changes before republishing.) this blog is going to make me more than just color blind before it's all said and done. hmmm...wonder if it's just my browser...
i've spent the better half of this morning clicking the "next blog" button. what i've discovered is this: there's a lot of crap out there. sites with hideous color schemes that make my eyes bleed. sites that make you wonder what they're teaching in schools today as it's obviously not english. sites with cheesy formulas that do strange things to my point and click arrow. this last offense i find truly invasive of my privacy. if i wanted my arrow to be a pink fluffy cloud, then that's what it would be all the time not just when i'm on your stupid nonsensical blog.
the other thing i've realized is i need a new design for my blog. do i like the one i have now? sure. it's fine enough, i suppose. the trouble is too many other bloggers obviously agree with me and if there's one thing i can't stand it's being an individual just like everyone else. problem is i'm clueless as to how to design my own but that's easy enough to remedy as i am literate. while it may take some time, i am determined to educate myself and separate myself a bit from the masses.
wish me luck.
she was here not so long ago, the young girl with the smart wit and the light filled eyes. not today, though. now it's just me, the invisible one, the one with fragments of polish on her toes. the one that is always at a loss for words. no. i don't know where she's gone. somewhere sunny, i would guess, where everyone laughs and worries are few. not like me, left here alone to dress the wounds that are the reality of my life.
a world of voyeurs
i had a very interesting night last night. sitting in my living room minding my own business and i witnessed a crime in vancouver...odd this thing they call internet. so this morning i got to type up my account of the incident i saw via my friend's webcam and fax it to the vancouver police. i can only image the looks on the officers' faces. "there was an assault on ST George street and our only witness is in arkansas??? WTF????" that's the way of the world today is it not?
to all the would be criminals of the world...wear a ski mask...you never know who might be watching.
i bought some film for the camera i keep in my car for emergency photo ops. sitting at the desk watching punkin play with his plastic fish, i remembered the film and the camera. no better time than the present to load it up and avoid another tragedy as the night at lucky's. once it was loaded, i snapped a picture of aiden attacking his fish full throttle. click..click..whirr.... oh my, i'd forgotten how much i enjoy the sound of captured memories. don't get me wrong, i LOVE my digital camera with every fiber of my being. however, there's something about taking pictures the old school way that just excites me. maybe it's the noise alone. maybe it's the element of surprise...how they will develop or my favorite stumbling across a half used roll with no clue what's on the first half. i don't know. what i do know is the my trusty 35mm olympus will be getting much more flash time now that i've been reminded. click..click..whirr....
blankets are good for sleeping
what is the world coming to? after loitering in the bathroom for many years, our educational system has officially landed in the toilet. i grew up in rural arkansas and was constantly amazed at the dumbing down of the curriculum to avoid failing certain students. sure, it makes sense to lower the already basic standards instead of spending the extra time/money to help the few that couldn't/wouldn't make the grade, if you're pinky & the brain.
i'm also old enough to remember when prayer was removed from school. the concept behind this i understand. however, in a society where the majority of students are christian, what's the big deal? ok. so you have a student or two that aren't, they aren't required to pray. it was never mandatory. file your nails, finish your homework, think about ways to convert the infidels...whatever. god forbid anyone should be different and proud of that fact. instead, we remove any activity that implies that someone might have missed the conformity memo.
the struggle for equality and politically correctness has robbed us of one of our most precious gifts...diverseness. yes, we have turned into a cookie cutter nation. it's fine to be different as long as you're just like everyone else.... just ask california, the bleach blonde, implant mecca of the world. the state in which hundreds of thousands of young men and women flock to make millions on their individuality only to be told they aren't enough like so and so or what's his name and cast out onto the street. rejected. odd enough considering the latest proposal
for their school systems.
A California school district is considering adopting a new policy that could cause students to be expelled for "rejecting" each other, for sharing "unpleasant stories" about each other even if true or for associating with like-minded peers in groups if others feel "left out."
what ever happened to darwin and his survival of the fittest theory?
pass the hookah
tuesday i postponed the trip to see QB1. she threatened to "beat me down" if i did it again. i woke up yesterday morning in just enough time to see morning change to noon. groggy from lack of sleep and an odd dullness in my head, i stumbled to the shower where i considered taking that beating since the water was doing little to wash away the fog. driving a little over an hour in the pissing rain in the condition i was in was less than appealing. however after my shower, a diet coke, and an hour of staring blankly at nothing, i decided that the drive might be good for me and aren't i glad i did.
the drive itself was rather uneventful. it did rain quite heavily in a few spots but nothing that required a speed less than 50mph. the radio gods were on my side the entire trip and i managed not to run over the bush that was residing in the middle of the highway. that's right a bush in the highway. of course as i passed it i realized it wasn't so much a bush as a collection of vegetation piled onto a trailer. the old man, that owned the trailer and the truck it was attached to, had had an epiphany. the type that had him outside the vehicle pondering the awesomeness of thought that had just occurred to him. oblivious that he had completely blocked the northbound lane. arkansans...sheesh.
i arrived at QB1's house a little after 3. she gave me the grand tour. we shared photographic highlights of the last 10 years of our lives. bottles of smirnoff ice were consumed over a yearbook and discussion of old classmates. dinner plans were made then changed with a phone call from her husband, mr. QB1, then changed again as we were driving to the nearest starbucks. the last plan stuck and QB1 and i went to procure a table at the restaurant she couldn't remember the name of as she'd never actually eaten there herself.
Garbanzo's hostess that evening was, well...earthy. as she was about to lead us away from the front door to a table somewhere beyond view, QB1 remembered that we were suppose to sit in the bar area (AKA the hookah lounge) as recommended by her friend that had eaten there. we were instructed to walk back outside and enter the next door on out left. so out the door and through the other we went. the center table QB1 had been told about was taken but the tile table with large throw pillows for chairs wasn't. eat on the floor? there was only a moment's hesitation as we considered mr. QB1 and his 6'7" frame before we plopped down on the cushions and made ourselves at home. the menu is middle easternish. we discussed how we should order prior to mr. QB1's arrival...several plates of tapas instead of entrees. when in doubt, sample...sample...sample. QB1 ordered for us a feast of hummus, olives, peppers, stuffed grape leaves , falafel or hushpuppies with a little grass mixed in as mr. QB1 called them, mango curry chicken on slices of french bread, musaqa, and a spinach salad with nectarines, mango, toasted almonds, covered in a blackberry vinaigrette.
mr. QB1 arrived shortly before the food and what a delight he is. he didn't complain about having to sit on the floor...well not much. there were a couple comments about his ass going numb but they were more for laughs than actual complaints. (i like him much more than the troll she married first.) he sampled everything on the table at least once and kept the conversation interesting with his comments on the food, the black spot on the bottom of QB1's shoe (dog poo or tar...never did figure it out), and his version of how they met...over a g-string and a few singles.
the grand finale of our dining experience: the hookah
. my pothead friends would have thought they had died and gone to heaven...although the hookah master assured us that it was not worth your while to smoke weed from the hookah. how'd he know that? he's a hookah master. he's required to do research. duh.
after dinner we popped into the german place
downstairs where they serve dark yummy beer. not quite like my irish guinness...but close. the bartender was a lovely little man. entertained us with tales of his friends home brewing experiences. if you end up in the neighborhood, definitely drop in.
the next stop on last night's tour...well...it was interesting if nothing else. lucky's (as in lucky if you make it out without paramedic assistance)is nothing short of a redneck karoke bar. the sights i saw and the sounds i heard can not be accurately depicted in words. i went to my car for my camera only to find there was no film. (damn me for not charging the battery of the digital.) so you're off the hook. just know it was entertaining in a torturous sort of way.
woke up this morning before 6am...go figure that one. checked to make sure i still had all my teeth and had QB1 drop me off at my car on her way to yoga.
as my ears bleed
in the nesting phase of my pregnancy, i purchased one of those soothing sound machines. thinking if my son was anything like me, he'd be out like a light 3 seconds into the ocean cycle. how wrong was i? in his earlier days, he couldn't have cared less if it was the ocean, the summer night, or metallica. he slept when he was good and ready not a moment sooner.
he's older now and more sensitive to noise. guess the 101 days in the nicu finally wore off. since my family has little consciousness of a sleeping child, i dug the soothing machine out of it's packed for travel home. i tried the ocean setting first, hopeful. when it was clear that wasn't working, i tried the wind. still nothing. it went on like this until i had exhausted all but one option...womb sounds. 3 seconds later punkin was out like the aforementioned light. just my luck.
now, i'm lying in bed at 3am listening to PURR-rump...PURR-rump...PURR-rump...PURR-rump and reliving the day miss meeks made me watch the birth of her child via vhs. it was 3 hours of her next to lifeless in a hospital bed, her useless ex-husband wandering around half-baked as usual, and the most annoying sound i've yet to experience...the fetal heart moniter. AKA sounds of the womb.
i suffered through it then, that nerve grating sound, out of respect for miss meeks but not without making my suffering well known. i suffer through it now for my punkin but he will be reminded of this many times in his life. PURR-rump...PURR-rump...PURR-rump. poor punkin.
thank god for cast iron
i crossed my own picket line today and drove through popeye's. silly me. there wasn't an issue with change this time as i had the correct amount but apparently when the gal asked if i'd like spicy strips it was more out of curiousity than an actual offer. nothing quite like biting into a bland tasteless chicken sandwich when you're expecting a little spice. the strike has been resumed. die fast food chains!! die!!
he was so wittle... :(
i think he get's this from his father...
punkin being eaten by the couch monster
for those of you that were waiting...sorry it took so long.
the wee hours
it's four in the morning. i can't sleep. my buddies are all in bed and the food network has been taken over by paid for programming. what's left to do? quizilla of course.
What's your sexual appeal? brought to you by Quizilla
?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ?? brought to you by Quizilla
PASSIONATE LOVER. You love to love, always looking
for a relationship. You cannot live without it.
Your lover must be passionate and you want
that you and your partner melt into each other.
He/She should not try to take the domination .
You dont want a relationship without passion,
and the sexuality plays a big part. The first
moment you meet him/her is one of the most
important. There has to be something between
you , you cannot explain. From the first moment
on everything must fix. But when this passion
disappears you disappear to. For you it is
better to leave than to see your love
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~ brought to you by Quizilla
dancin with joy
oh the marvel....
it's not official just yet but i think i've found happiness. i was using photobucket for all my pictures. however i couldn't yank any off the net and post'em. very upsetting. i loaded hello from blogger this afternoon and would you lookie there? a pic from the WWW...compliments of boston.com. i have to practice with it some more before i get too excited over my new toy but i'm hopeful.
in case you wondering about my choice of photo's, i've been sucked in to the legion of red sox fans. it's a happy sort of misery.
i was right not to get overly excited. seems some pics still won't post properly. friggin internet.
careful what you say
my sister has told me numerous times while watching me post blogs and read what others have posted that i didn't have a life. while that might be true enough at the moment, seems she doesn't have one either since she just launched her own site
. not that i didn't expect her to...such is the way of those that haven't quite reached adulthood.
10 year reunion
i skipped my highschool reunion. mainly because i didn't care for the people i graduated with ten years ago and i'd rather go on believing the fantasy i have that they've all grown up as much as i have. sadly i've seen a few of them since i've been in arkansas and i know it's not the case.
on a brighter note, my best gal pal from those days has resurfaced. we lost touch several years ago when the guys we were invovled with couldn't get along. such is the way when you're 19. however, after spending the better part of 2 hours on the phone with her just now , seems like we might be on the road to recovery. we've made plans to meet tomorrow in her new hometown
. it's a far better place to grab dinner then the hellish place i'm in now. a few margaritas and stories from the past and present should make for some good ramblings when i make it back here on wednesday.
until then keep it straight.
i sat there on my stool as i had so many nights before and watched him order round after round. always the same...a bud light with a shot of yeger. he always drank too much.
i forget how we met. it was so long ago. maybe it was by chance. maybe not. he talked. i laughed. i liked him as i knew i would those nights before we met. he told story after story always smiling with his mouth. his eyes didn't smile...i notice these things.
night after night we met there. always the same place. always the same story. he'd drink too much. i'd drive him home. we'd smoke on his balcony overlooking the city. we talked about our pasts, about our futures, but never about our present. the sun was usually making it's way over the horizon before we made it to bed. it was what we both needed to be committed without a commitment. i knew it wouldn't last. i didn't care.
it was a month maybe two before i grew tired of us. he knew. i knew. we never talked about it. we'd meet night after night. i'd drive him home. sometimes i'd stay. often i'd leave...walking back to my apartment along the bank of the mississippi river, i wondered how he would take the news.
i sat on my stool as i had so many nights before and i watched him. it was his 12th round of budlight and his 14th of yeger. i drove him home. we talked and smoked. i was leaving for good. my car was packed and parked next to his. he told me he loved me sometime before the sun came up. i knew he didn't. i told him i'd miss him. he smiled with his mouth. his eyes never smiled. i notice these things.
someone stole my ink
i noticed as i was hacking away at my last post that my color's gone. this isn't a major loss by any means but i did like the pretty shade of pink for my links. i'm not overjoyed that it's not available to me anymore. at least not at the moment. it's been my experience with blogger in the past few weeks that things vanish for a day or two then mysteriously reappear as if they never left. well i'm on to you blogger!!! i know you stole my ink. so hand it back over.
from the news desk
i was half finished with this post when it disappeared. so now you get the short version. no witty comments. just the facts as published by aol & people magazine. lucky you.
first up: the hacking's story
Hacking also made a show of heading off for the grueling round of interviews that medical schools generally require and begged off social events, saying he was studying for the medical boards. He disappeared for stretches and said he had visited Columbia University in New York City, as well as schools in Chicago, Wisconsin, Vermont, Washington, D.C., and North Carolina. "I specifically remember Lori saying it was hard to pay for the trips," says a member of the University Eighth Ward, their Mormon congregation. "But she said even though it was a financial sacrifice, it would pay off in the end."
It is still not clear whether Mark ever left town or what happened to the money he was spending. His family can only guess why Mark would have constructed such an elaborate alternate reality. His mother, Janet, speculates that a head injury he suffered in his early 20s when he fell off a roof may have made it tough for him to perform as he would have liked in his studies. "He told us only recently that since the head injury he has had a hard time concentrating," she says. "He had to read things four or five times and felt overwhelmed."
a:the peterson trial
Jurors in the Scott Peterson double-murder trial on Thursday morning were dismissed until Tuesday so that both sides can examine newly discovered evidence that defense attorney Mark Geragos claims could be "exculpatory" reason enough to acquit his client.
b: sob story
A normally stone-faced Scott Peterson wiped away a tear in court on Wednesday, when a hunting and golfing buddy testified about a conversation the two men had about buying their new sons camouflage hunting outfits when they got older.
On the stand, Gregory Reed, whose wife was also pregnant, began thumbing through a catalog and looking at clothes for young hunters, Peterson's eyes apparently began to well up, prompting him to reach for his handkerchief.
His gesture was so brief that some people in the courtroom missed the move.
next: likely story
Nick Carter is speaking out about ex-girlfriend Paris Hilton's mysterious bruises, which she openly displayed for photographers at Los Angeles International Airport on July 29 one week after her breakup with the Backstreet Boy PEOPLE reports in its latest issue.
Although the Simple Life star, 23, and her family have been mum about exactly what happened, Carter, 24, has been put on the defensive, vigorously denying the notion that he is responsible for her injuries.
"I'll tell you one thing: I didn't touch her," the singer told PEOPLE on Monday. "I'm not that kind of guy. I would never do that."
So far, Hilton has declined to press any charges related to her injuries. "I'm doing okay," she said. "I'm just so happy to be single right now."
Drama certainly always seemed to follow the paparazzi-basking Hilton and Carter, whose rocky seven-month relationship ended on July 22, with Carter telling PEOPLE that their romance "totally was based on distrust."
moving right along: peterson III
Scott Peterson's TV-watching habits changed abruptly after his wife Laci disappeared, and then changed again when police raided his house, according to witness testimony in the double-murder trial on Tuesday.
A satellite TV employee testified that 15 days after Laci went missing, Scott began ordering programming that his pregnant wife was said not to have approved of: explicit adult material, starting with the Playboy Channel and graduating to more hardcore attractions.
When Peterson became aware that a team of investigators were being sent to his home on Feb. 18, however, he abruptly cancelled the X-rated satellite channel right in front of the eyes of one of the cops in the house, a member of the Sacramento Valley crime task force testified.
and finally: the pasted on smile finale
Bill Clinton kept up his strenuous book-signing routine Tuesday, topping it off by autographing a copy of his hefty My Life for David Letterman's infant son Harry while appearing on Late Show.
In his inscription, which he read aloud on the air, the former president wished Harry (whose mother is Dave's girlfriend Regina Lasko) a happy 9-month birthday and added: "With luck, you will finish this by your 21st birthday. Meanwhile, carry it around and build more muscles than your dad has."
i'm in culinary hell. the restaurants here serve over cooked, over salted, often unidentifiable substances consisting of the four food groups: fried, starch, iceberg, and sugar. the grocery store selections are mediocre at best. i'm still striking the fast food joints. it's hell. plain and simple. thankfully i can cook for myself.
blah blah blah
i'm tolerant. sometimes too tolerant. i like to give people (certain people) a chance not to be the idiot-ass, annoying dumbfucks that i think see them as. It rarely happens. still i sit there nodding and smiling or gazing blankly at something...anything...other than the object of my annoyance.
DF: "you're quiet."
me: "huh? (brain translates from blah blah blah to english) yeah, i am."
me: "i just am. always have been."
~~short pause: this is were i hope...no pray DF wanders off to the men's room and forgets to come back.
DF: "what are you thinking about?"
my brain: "TELL HIM!! TELL HIM!! TELL HIM YOU'RE THINKING HE'S A DUMBFUCK AND IF HE DOESN'T LEAVE SOON YOU'RE EYE'S ARE GOING TO START BLEEDING!!
me: "huh? (stalling for time) oh... (dammit i got nothing) nothing really."
DF: "awww come on. i know you're thinking something. tell me."
me: "i'm tired really."
DF: "so, are you seeing anyone?"
my brain: "SEE!! i told you to tell him to fuck off. but did you? NOOOO!
me: "not at the moment."
DF: "can i have your number?"
me: "no. i don't give that out."
DF: "can i give you mine?"
me: "you can if you want but i won't call."
DF: "why not?"
me: "i just won't. i never do."
DF: "how can i get a hold of you."
my brain: "oh jeezus
me: "excuse me...."
this is where i wander off to the men's room. i figure it's safer there.
let the celebration begin
it's me birthday today. and i've started it off in style. woke up at noon, took a shower and promptly put on a clean set of pj's. ahhh, bliss :)
and it was going SO well...
i should have stayed home but i couldn't let the maternal unit go to the grocery store by herself. besides i needed stuff for my cake that i've yet to bake. i was hoping that a certain ex of mine that works there would be off since it happens to be his birthday today as well. no such luck. i'd made it through the entire store without a sighting until we hit the register. there he was with a sniper like stare locked in on me. ACK!! i felt like someone had propped me up in a display window of a cheap lingerie store sans the lingerie. so much for being happily married i suppose. i feel dirty. time for another shower.
written @ 4am
i was engaged once.
i was young.
he was gorgeous.
i saw him the other day.
his nose is too big.
his smile fake.
it was ugly.
but he taught me things.
things to look for.
things to avoid.
they all have really.
the men that have brushed through my life.
taking their time.
some pushed out...
kicking and screaming.
each leaving his mark.
marks that make me smile.
marks that make me cry.
i'm alone now.
and i'm not.
i have him.
he's left the biggest mark.
he's my completion.
i caught the creepy married guy from my mother's church checking me out tonight. yes...yes...my sister thought it was very amusing as well. it's ok. really. i'm quite use to it. if there's a creepy married guy within a 100 mile radius, he'll find me. or any freak for that matter. i think i have some sort of weird genetic defect that effects my pheromones.
it's the first of august...i'm in arkansas..and i'm wrapped up in a friggin blanket it's so cold in here. something about that is SO VERY WRONG.